Written by Mga Misis Ng WifeSpeaks on July 3, 2009 – 11:18 am
For SpeakOut Friday, here’s a misis asking for our advice.
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Dear WifeSpeaks,
My husband and I have been married for three years. During the first two years, we worked for the same company and we were totally happy with this set-up. Last year, my company sent me to Canada to head the new IT department they created there. At first, we thought we could handle the distance. The problem started a few months ago when I broached the subject of him following me here. He said he had no intention to leave his job and the Philippines, especially because he cannot leave his mom alone (he is an only child and his dad died a few years ago). On my part, I love this new career path and I also am seeing Canada as a very good place to build our family. I think that I will make a huge mistake (career-wise) if I let this position go but, at the same time, I love my husband and I very much want to be with him.
Since then, this has become the topic of our daily/nightly arguments. The distance between us created a coldness in our relationship that scares me. Am I being too selfish? Should he come first before my job? Or should I stand my ground because I know that my decision will be for the ultimate good of our family? Is there a middle ground that I do not see?
I would really appreciate your advice.
Thanks,
Confused in Canada
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Next Week: The Ex-factor
Dear Confused in Canada,
Disclaimer: Eto ay akin po lamang opinion. Hindi nanunolsol. At hindi nambubuyo. Eto ay opinion base sa kung ano ang aking gagawin kung ito ay mangyari sa akin.
Unang una, ako ay di naniniwala sa LDR. I don’t believe in the saying that goes, ‘Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder’. For me, it’s ‘Out of Sight, Out of mind.’ Papano lalalim ang isang relasyon, kung hindi kayo magkasama at magkatuwang sa mga bagay bagay na pagda-daanan. Somewhere along the way, I think and I believe that you will grow apart when there are miles apart between you. Why is that? Example na lang… You saw Canada and what it can offer habang si mister still living Pinas-style na pamumuhay. (I don’t have anything bad about Pinas-style living but it’s just different kumpara sa ibang bansa. I am saying this kasi naranasan ko ang tumira sa Pilipinas, Singapore at Australia.) So, dyan pa lang magka-iba na agad ang magiging point of views nyo. If nobody is willing to give in or at least agree to meet half-way, sorry to say your marriage is sure to go down the drain.
You only gave 2 scenarios, which is ikaw uuwi pinas or sya pupunta dyan. Wala na ba ibang choices like, pwede rin ba isama dyan si MIL. Or, pwede bang antayin mo makakuha ng citizenship dyan, then uwi ka sa pinas. That way, (knock-on-wood) pag sumalangit na si MIL ay pwede kayo bumalik dyan ni hubby to continue with what you have started.
Talk. Tell hubby your concerns and hear what he has to say as well. Dapat dalawa kayong magdesisyon dyan, and once you and hubby decide, wala ng sisihan.
Eto na lang, hindi mo masasabi na OK ang Canada for the family at this point. Like for me, kinaray ko ang mga anak ko dito sa Australia, pero ang lagi nilang tanong when kame babalik sa Singapore kasi di daw sila masaya dito. Alam mo yun.Minsan kala natin, what we are doing is good for the family. Meron pala tayong di nakikita. Like example, maganda nga work mo dyan. What if pag punta ni hubby mo dyan di sya makakita ng work? Made-depress yun, susungitan ka. Maiinis ka sa pagsusungit nya, mag aaway kayo araw araw. Hangang, magsisihan at magkahiwalay. Then you will realize, Canada wasn’t good for you after all. And vice versa, pag ikaw umuwi sayo naman pwede mangyari ang depression at ang pagsusungit kasi lagi mo naman iisipin na dapat nasa Canada ka na.
Ang hirap kasi dyan pareho kayong may ayaw i-give up, ang tanong dyan, mas importante ba ang Canada or ang nanay nya sa relasyong nyong dalawa? Pag nasagot nyo yang tanong na yan, baka sakali magkasundo na kayo sa kung ano na ang gagawin nyo.
Lastly, pray. And pray not for what you want to happen. But pray na ilagay ka Nya kung saan ka mas mapapa-ayos. Ask God for guidance and also to enlighten you and hubby at baka pareho kayong nagugulumihanan sa kasalukuyan.
Nagmamaganda,
Simplymuah :p
simplymuah’s last blog post..Writings on the wall.
I think family should always comes first. As I mentioned in my entry I will always go where ever my husband go… as long as there’s a Wal-mart nearby. Hahaha…
Kidding aside, family is my top priority. Career, we can always find a replacement. Every opportunity you let go opens new door to more opportunities. Never think of it as a mistake [career-wise]…. it’s just a choice we have to make. As to which choice you decided on, I’m sure it is the right choice for you.
Good luck!
JO’s last blog post..Inspirational Quote #1
I second the emotion of Jo. :p Madaling magpalit ng work, pero hindi ng asawa.
At ang kumpanya sa totoo lang, andyan lang yan habang napapakinabangan ka. Ang asawa, madalas katuwang mo yan sa hirap at ginhawa. =)
simplymuah’s last blog post..Writings on the wall.